you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
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I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
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My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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