New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
