no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
