Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
