i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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