i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
