Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
