ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Can I color on your dick again?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
