oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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