There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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