Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
