Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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