somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
