The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
