the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
