look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
