Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
