I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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