I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
