I'm really into asian looking animals
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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