OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
