I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
