When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
