you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
