If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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