Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Houston, we have a blender
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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