He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
