you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
