i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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