I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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