I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
