How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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