oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
