If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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