My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
