this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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