Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
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She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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