to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
