I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
