My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
