I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
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I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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