I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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