I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
