He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
