the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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