My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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