Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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