And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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