we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
