hotel room ftw
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
