tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
