Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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