new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just googled if crying burns calories
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Randomize
