Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
