you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
