He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
