Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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