I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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