dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
