Please, let me fuck your mom
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
