Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
