Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
