There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
