the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
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I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
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Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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