you traded sex for a burrito?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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