Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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