he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The best revenge is premature balding
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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