We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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