You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
