There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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