Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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