final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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