I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
