I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have fence marks all over my body
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
