You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
