if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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