I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
