Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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