I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
