He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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