i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
