Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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