Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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