it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
