mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
